First of all I would like to ask why you had to pick on me?
I feel you were probably there when I was born! Waiting til you thought I was old enough to hide inside me, and hold me responsible for all your actions, knowing full well that I did not understand.
As I got older, with no thought or consideration, you used me to live a destructive, manipulative, fearless, uncaring, deceitful existence.
You made me feel you were my friend and that you would take care of me? You had me believe you would take away fear, give me confidence, make people like me, make me more successful, make me more popular and be there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on?
i.e. the bottom of a glass?…
As I got older you took away my dignity, respect and care for others. I became blinkered about how I really felt. You destroyed any love I might have had for anyone or anything. You made me feel it was OK to take what was not mine, you told me you would stand up for me! Yet you hid away and let me take all the blame. You made me believe you were the only thing in the world that understood me, yet every time anyone showed me any attention or love, you told me they were no good for me? You drove them away, so that you could have my undivided attention.
Every time I thought I was wrong, you made a joke of it? And made me look worthless. Anything I ever cared for you took away from me. Then! When you were really at your lowest, you started on my health. Just to get attention, you even tried to kill me? But No! You had not finished with me yet?
People that cared for me got me into treatment, just to get me away from you. I started to hate you, I stayed away from you, I started to live a healthy life without you, and I became a more caring person. I actually started to like myself. For the first time I could remember, I had feelings? A sense of responsibility, and I had respect for others.
I felt good??
So I got confused, what happened? You crawled back out and pestered me, made me feel sorry for you. I believed you when you said you would get me through hard times and uncertainty? I took you back!!
What did you do? All the work I put in, you destroyed it? But this time you really put your foot down, you didn’t take a lifetime to inflict damage to me, pain and suffering to others, put me back in hospital, you tried to kill me again, and again, and again?
Well Mr F****d up alcohol existence! I have had enough of you? I am not even going to let you down gently. I, yes I! Can see and feel the damage you have done to me. You did it again, left me with nothing? Except poor me, poor me, poor me another drink?
Well not this time! You have robbed most of my life. I don’t know how much I have left, but guess what? You’re not having it! I can’t get an injunction against you; I can’t call the police when you appear? But I can see you, lurking in the supermarkets, and the big superstar in the TV ads, using people I care about, causing misery wherever and whenever you feel like it.
I know you will never pay for, your actions, or accept any of the consequences? Truth is, I can’t handle you or your behaviour anymore.
I want some peace, I want my feelings back, and I want to be accepted for me? Not! What you do to me? I know it’s no good asking you nicely, because you have no heart! I need, Yes, I need, not want? Need! You to leave me alone. This relationship is Bad! For me and people I care about. You? You will just move on and make someone else’s life a misery. It’s a shame the whole world can’t see you for what you really are?
Kindly sent to us by a client in Rehab 2012