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Became a Believer

Told and told I was,
That first night. To submit;
To a higher power, some how
To submit to a god?
Those voices in my ears, those voices.
They have to be wrong, I’m strong.
There’s no cure to be found;
Not here.

After all, here I am;
Drunk, poor addicted me;
So afflicted. Sympathy to my ear,
That’s what I need to hear.
Not god, not god.
Why would any god make me?
Leave me here, to suffer
This addictive malady?

My thoughts un-rested, determined;
My self-will was tested.
Alone I said.
Alone I said.
I need no power than I,
Just my will and my strength,
My conviction to beat
This addiction.

After many a glass passed my mouth,
My whole life heading south.
A whisper I hear, quiet in my ear.
“Why not you? Maybe some god had reason
For afflicting you.” That voice,
Precipitates; a tiny fraction of reaction,
Maybe there is good reason?
I think on this,
As I view the mirror of my own;
Horrid reflection.

My faith tested that night,
I returned to that room, nought else
But to listen.
Talk to none.
Just be there and hear,
Leave and be gone.
Maybe that first night, I had heard wrong.

I heard stories, of woe and pain.
But these people came back,
Again and again!
That night I resolved myself,
Strength in numbers,
In unity and fellowship.
Who better to understand my plight?
But another so afflicted and addicted.

Again revelation came,
All there are different; but not so
In the pain they shared.
So some of them speak to god,
A concept beyond my self-will
And wisdom.
Understanding is now my gain, to share the pain.
If a god is there,
Will he hear my plea?
For freedom of obsessive;
Insanity.

Now I go, daily at times
And I share my now familiar woes
To those who before,
I was so desperately opposed.
Day by day, night by night,
I fight the good fight.
All with a power I had never felt in me,
Even in slight.

Have I found god?
A higher power?
I try not to think,
In such distinction.
Just take my place on the stage of day,
And do my best to follow;
The script of the play.
So day by day,
I live with addiction.
But no longer,
Does it feel an affliction!

©James Walford 2013

Thank You

A special thank you to:

David Bean, Bryan Meloy, Liz, Pauline, Howard, Sean & all my friends at (Independence Trust) & (C.I.S)

Gwen Bridges, Helen Mcilvany, Neil Jennings, Sarah Welch, Tony Gardiner, Louise, Robyn & all at: Countywide Specialist Substance Misuse Service

Philip Trenchard, Jo Bell,
Lou, Matthew, Trudy, Ian,
Stan, Frankie, Fiona,
ETE Staff, Toni, Silvana,
L
ucy, Beanie
and everybody associated with The Nelson Trust

Pat Bugler, Mellisa, Val, John & the staff at Westcliff House

Dr D P Knight Rosebank Surgery
Dr Waldon Rowcroft Medical Center
Dr D Kempson Locking Hill Surgery

More special thanks to:

Nick Kelly
Phil (thrasher), Shar (misfit)
Helen (livin' life clean),
Clayton (the driver),
Sheena(the voice),
Jacky N,
Mandy M, Laura, Isis. Sam,
Anne T, 
Dean. Alicia, 
Tiffany. Darren,

Andy (west ham), 
Mark (london), Vikki, Chris,
Charlie. Ed (spurs). Jane. Jo
Karen V. Maureen. Nick
Sharon (surrey). Steph. Rick,
Steve (Tetbury), Gill (Stroud
)

Sam, Dave, Andy, Phil, Steve, Jackie, Dean, Nera, and Essex Girl (Westcliffe House) 2005... and many more.


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